‘My Life Changed from End to End’: I Found My Birth Father, Still Living at 91, and 2 Siblings

For years, I felt a subtle, persistent question in my heart. I think my story is a case where your heart knows something that your mind only learns later. Growing up in New Zealand, I always wondered about my origins. I grew up in a home where I was the only child who looked different. The father who raised me, who was Middle Eastern, had a different skin tone than mine. I didn’t look like him, and I didn’t look like my siblings.

I believe the father who raised me knew I wasn’t his biological daughter, but he never said it directly. He just treated me differently from how he treated my siblings. This subtle difference fostered a feeling of otherness throughout my childhood. I felt different, I looked different, and I had different interests. I once asked him directly if I was his biological daughter. I could see in his eyes — a moment I will never forget — that he was not telling me the truth when he answered, “Yes, you are my daughter.” He was too kind to tell me the truth, but I always felt it, even without words.

When I was 42, my mother told me, “You have another father.” At that time, I wasn’t ready to process such a significant revelation. I was left with uncertainty — I didn’t know if it was true or not. I wanted to believe it wasn’t true, but my heart felt otherwise.

The search begins (and pauses)

Eight years ago, I decided to take a DNA test to confirm my mother’s words. The initial results, however, were inconclusive. The results I received weren’t interesting and didn’t reveal anything new. Then, 4 years ago, things shifted. I received a match with a niece, who contacted me and said we were related. We spoke, trying to piece together the connection, but we didn’t really manage to figure out the connection, and the names didn’t quite line up for us. My niece cautiously suggested, “I’m not sure the father who raised you is really your father,” leaving me unsure of what to think.

Life then intervened, and I put the search aside for a long period. To a large extent, I made peace with not knowing the answer to my life’s question and had almost given up. My daughter became ill, facing a life-threatening infection, and my focus shifted entirely to her.

A sister’s unexpected discovery

Meanwhile, Katharina Lehmann Schmid from St. Gallen, in northeastern Switzerland, had no specific expectations when she took her DNA test. She says, “Unlike Denise, I had no expectations when I performed the DNA test. I did it out of curiosity about my heritage.” She had first explored MyHeritage 4 years ago to research her family history, but then her husband fell ill, and she didn’t have time to continue. “I put it aside and pretty much forgot about it.”

Only recently did Katharina decide to return to it, taking the test last fall — and to her shock, I came up in her DNA matches as a half-sister. “I didn’t expect such a discovery — to suddenly find a sister in the middle of my life,” she says.

A new chapter unfolds

Katharina immediately messaged me. The notification about her message reminded me of the MyHeritage account, so I logged in to check for updates. To my astonishment, several matches were waiting for me: a father! And a brother! And a sister! My life changed from end to end in that moment. It turned out that the niece I’d been in touch with years ago was my brother’s daughter. Most astonishing of all, I discovered my biological father was 91, still alive, and living in Switzerland!

The DNA match with Katharina

Katharina had always wanted a sister, and this discovery was, in her words, “very moving and made me very happy.” Our connection grew quickly from there. I immediately connected with the siblings — the connection with Katharina was amazing from the first moment.

Katharina (left) and Denise

After we discovered each other, Katharina decided to come visit me in Brisbane, Australia, where I currently live. We spent many weeks together, getting to know each other. Katharina explains: “It was a decision to build the relationship, to bridge the gaps, and when you think about it, it was a good decision that only did good for our relationship and instilled in Denise the confidence and sense of belonging that she had lacked so much.” Together, we built an amazing and very moving connection.

A meaningful reunion

My next step was to visit Switzerland. My daughter encouraged me — she was so excited for me and thought I shouldn’t miss this opportunity to meet my father and close a circle. I had my reservations. On one hand, I had a difficult childhood and wanted to close a circle, and on the other hand, I was afraid I wouldn’t be accepted into the new family; I didn’t want to hurt anyone. But my daughter pressed me to book the ticket, and I decided to go.

Denise meets her birth father for the first time

I met my biological father, Heinrich, at his home. My brother opened the door and led me to him. We stood in front of him — I thought he looked young for his age — and he said to him, “This is your daughter.” We looked at each other, and it was hard for me to stop the tears. The first thing he asked me was, “Are you happy?”

Denise and Heinrich

We went out to the balcony, sat, talked for a long time, drank coffee, and even sang together. It was wonderful. Heinrich remembered my mother but had no knowledge of my existence. He was a handsome, adventurous man who had come to New Zealand to work. Born into a family of bakers, he even worked in the trade briefly in Australia but spent most of his time as a construction worker on the Roxburgh Dam in South Island, New Zealand, and later traveled to Australia. He was like Indiana Jones, an adventurous person. I even found a newspaper article mentioning him as a baker in a bakery that’s still standing today — and what a coincidence, my daughter and I have had coffee there.

When I shared my discovery with the siblings I was raised with, their response was, “Leave it alone, it doesn’t matter.” But I knew otherwise. I told them it definitely matters — this is my life.

This incredible journey has brought profound clarity. Finding my biological family has brought me a deep sense of belonging that had been missing for so long. Our story stands as a powerful testament to the enduring bonds of family and the extraordinary connections that MyHeritage DNA can reveal.

Many thanks to Denise for sharing her incredible story with us. If you have also made an incredible discovery with MyHeritage, we’d love to hear about it! Please send it to us via this form or email it to us at stories@myheritage.com.

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Source: My Heritage